The pain in my head keeps me in the dark.
Nausea sets in yet, I just can’t barf.
Gouge my eyes.
Stab my stomach.
Nothing beats the pain in my heart.

Set me free, I beg of you.
You are the source of most of my pain.
Love is just a fucking word.
You think you love me, but your actions tell me a different story.
Stop telling me how much my invisible disability affects you.
Never once have I said I miss our walks, talks, affection, or sex because of your physical disability.
Never once have I complained of the loneliness I experience by enjoying life ALONE.

You’ve been verbally cruel.
How can one love their spouse but not be attracted to them?
I say bullshit.
It’s a fucking excuse.
You don’t want to face the inevitable.

Let me go.
Set me free.
I love another who totally gets me.
He stole my heart and keeps me safe.
He kisses my tears
And whispers in my ear how much he loves me.
ME!

You, dear spouse, are the cause of many tears and my broken heart.
I want to hate you.
I want to punch your nose while you’re snoring.
I want to hide your canes and hurt you the way you’ve hurt me.
Sigh…
That is not my way.
It would go against everything I stand for.

Let me go.
Set me free.

As for you, Literary Stranger,
Only one other person has looked into my soul.
I call him Master.
You saw my vulnerabilities.
It scared the hell out of me.
No one has done that but Him.

I will run.
I will build new walls.
I will keep my heart and emotions safe.
I hope my Master will understand.
I need to put my head back together and repair the damage my spouse has done.

No more pain
I beg of you.
Your words pierce my heart.
My heart hurts when Master and I are apart.

Throbbing throbbing pain.
Let my head explode to relieve the pressure.
Over and over you make me almost blind and queasy.
Kill me now and put me out of my misery.

I’m tired of tears.
I’m tired of living with you.
You are not my Master.
You willingly gave up that right.
So please stop dominating me.
I did not give consent.
My heart and love belong to another
And I call him Master.

~A. Mak