It’s the time of year where many people in my field receive their yearly job performance evaluation. Normally, this doesn’t bother me and I don’t put a lot of weight on the outcome of the evaluation; however, considering that this is a new job and it is the first job I’ve held since last year’s “fall from grace” and hospitalization, this evaluation meant a great deal to me. Right now, making friends with colleagues and establishing social connections are not important to me, but handling job-related pressure and stress without breaking down and maintaining my employment are my biggest priorities.  

My boss insisted I complete my self-evaluation report and send it to her before our meeting. I received the form during non working hours and had less than 24 hours to fill it out. I took my time to answer each question and provide data to support each rating I gave myself then sent my information to her electronically. When I arrived at her office, I learned she hadn’t reviewed my report. She apologized for not coming to my office to observe me periodically and tells me she spoke to two administrators and one of my supervisors about my performance. Although each person had nice things to say about me, no one had observed my clinical skills, data collection, assessment reports, etc… but based on the nice things these people said, I received “exceeds expectations” in every area. My boss told me that I look like a care about my work and that it was obvious that I had a lot of experience and she could tell by looking at me because she had been doing this for many years. I was dumbfounded. I didn’t know how to respond to this. I could barely come out with “thank you”. 

I should feel elated, ecstatic, proud, and accomplished.  I don’t. This evaluation wasn’t based on my skills. What difference does it make? I received an exemplary report and that’s all that matters, right? If no one complains then I must be doing an excellent job, right?