Don’t let the title fool you. No, I didn’t get back with anyone from my past… well… okay, I did, but it isn’t what you think. 

My close friends have been extremely supportive as I pick up the pieces of my heart and put myself back together. Three of my friends and a couple of family members have strongly suggested I refrain from seeking any romantic D/s relationships for at least 6 months. I wholeheartedly agree with them. I need to give myself some time to recover and learn from this experience; however, I am a social person who really enjoys meeting people and making new connections. As a result, I have unexpectedly reconnected with a special person from my past and I think I’m in love.

Yes, LOVE.

I fell in love with this person who is a little bit nerdy and geeky, smart, talkative, friendly, funny, direct, creative, and spirited.  This person accompanies me to restaurants, movies, gardens, stores, music venues, the dojang, and coffee shops. This special person knows exactly what I like and is very aware of my dietary needs. This individual is amazing. She is attentive to every need and makes sure I eat and sleep. She is the perfect person for me and I’m going to spend the rest of my life with her.

Who is she? 

She is me. 

I’ve renewed my relationship with myself. It was awkward at first, but I seem to remember something I use to enjoy about the “old” me each on a daily basis, which has been essential as I make my way down this path of self-discovery.  I don’t care for the phrase “date yourself” but prefer to use the phrase “taking care of yourself”.  Everyone has a different definition of the term, however my definition means I am setting goals for myself, caring for my physical and mental health, trying new experiences, and accepting the love and support of family and friends. I’ve never had a problem spending time alone at home but have disliked going out solo. If I want to explore my city, state, and country as well as the world, I need to stop waiting for someone to hold my hand and explore with me. This is going to be a challenge, although I know it is something I must do for myself. 

The next 6 months will be filled with fun, adventure, tears, anxiety, pride, stubbornness, and courage. As I learn to create new experiences,  there will be a woman who will always be with me no matter what. Me.

~A. Mac